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How many Nutrisystem should I eat per day?

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First off, How many Nutrisystem should I eat per day? Looking forward for any answer or 2. Another question... So, my dear, sweet, wonderful, perfect wife asks if she can "finally have her new dinning room set?".

Since I'm an enlightened and in-charge sort of man, I of course put my foot down and say without hesitation...."anything you want, dear"..

I find myself commenting on table leg fluting and designs and patterns and all kinds of things which don't resonate with me and for which I have zero aptitudein roughly 2000 furniture stores. Finally a purchase is made (I could have a cabin in the woods for this much money!!!)..

We arrive home Labor Day Weekend after the dining room furniture shopping expedition, and she says, "you know, this formal dining room looks horrible and has been this way for 9 years! The new furniture won't look good in here!".

You guessed it, fellow men. What followed for 2.

Entire.

Weekends??...stripping wallpaper, touching up walls, painting ceilings and walls, installing chair railing, new baseboard (meaning the old stuff has to be trashed) and that absolutely.

CRITICAL.

Requirement....crowned molding..

Now men, I just have to ask. What kind of sadistic, fashion-conscious, perverted, s.o.b. came up with that ^&%&(*%$ crown molding in the FIRST PLACE? Who would DO that to fellow men?.

I'd rather have hemorrhoid surgery with a red hot poker than ever hang another piece of that ungodly, nightmarish, contrary crap again! And mitering those corners??!!!! Seriously. What the _ _ _ _ was the original designer even thinking with that _ _ _ _?.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sore because of the dining room redo. No. Although I freely admit that backwards and upside down miter cuts don't make sense to any normal person. It's the sum total of "honey-do" itemscause I STILL had to go to the grocery store for the week's shopping, wash cars, wash the dog, do laundry, cook, run errands like dry cleaning, etc..

I'm actually not exaggerating here!.

That was ONE saturdaywhen we also spent 5 hours stripping wallpaper, painting and such until nearly 10pm..

Am I wrong here, men? Hey, IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON for the love of God!! Saturdays in the FALL for us working guys are supposed to be a couple light morning things and then college football. Ditto Sunday. We should get up later on those mornings, putz around, watch the games, begin drinking a beer about 3 or 4pm (and have a few), watch football after dinner, pat the little lady on the fanny so she heads upstairs for some slap-n-tickle and hit the sack! Am I right?.

I'm working like a dog hereand way too tired for any somethin-somethin playing at the end of the day!.

I say we demand that Congress pass some sort of Federal law or something that for the duration of the football season, no home repair/improvement jobs requiring more than 15 minutes of effort can be accomplished on Saturdays or Sundays..

Ya feelin' me here, guys?.

~J~..

Comments (7)

That's a good question. I'm not sure what is the right answer. I'll do some Googling and get back to you if I discover an decent answer. You should email the people at Nutrisystem as they probably could give you help..

Comment #1

J: We have a plack in our kitchen that said.

"We interupt this marriage for football season." When she wants something like that done, I point to the sign. I will fold laundery or school project as long as it can be done in front of the tv. Sorry, but you have to draw a line somewhere!..

Comment #2

I break stuff...and I am a menace with power tools...seems to have kept me out of most home improvement jobs...still have to be the muscle and the height, though..

Wait a minute...she got me to put in a floor last year and paint a railing this year, plus I had to use the circular saw to cut planks for her artwork...oh no, she has figured me out and out flanked me!!!!!..

Comment #3

Please don't move into my neighborhood, you will mess up the whole gig. lol..

Jlong, I feel for you...

Comment #4

Wait just a minute! Are you sayin' it's possible to somehow say "no" to a wife??!!.

How come I'm just hearing this now?.

I'd still have more 'cover' and less personal risk if Congress could just pass the law. If I tell my wife "no" and I'm really lucky, she'll laugh at me. If it's a bad day she'll probably kick my a$$ (lol)!.

~J~..

Comment #5

I'm not sure the saying "just say no" applies to this situation. lol. Good luck...

Comment #6

I was laughing at your well written post and I have to admit, my hard working husband had to redo our bedroom because of the fancy bed we purchased..

I realized there was no way it could go in the room with out new carpet, painting (I did that) new lighting fixtures, bedding, new bedroom suite. A $3000 dollar bed turned into a $8000 purchase..

Well, if he didn't see that coming; How could he be married to me for 29 years?.

I felt bad until I read the female marriage contract..

Marriage Contract For Women.

I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that....

Section 1..

In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one..

Section 1.01.

And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin..

Section 1.02.

I will never ask for more *foreplay*..

Section 2..

I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. EVEN, IF I WASN'T THERE..

Section 3..

Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large balled Himalayan yak, and an elephant would be jealous of your genitalia..

Section 3.01.

I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity in the bedroom..

Section 3.02.

And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A LOT..

Section 4..

After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face..

Section 4.01.

I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname..

Section 5..

In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially, ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning..

Section 5.01.

I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay..

Section 5.02.

I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine month pregnancy..

Section 5.03.

I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar..

Section 5.04.

I promise to shave every *possible* inch of my body, and will always love your *weekend* beard....

Section 6..

After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met, or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men"..

Section 6..

I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of anything *mechanical*..

Section 6.01.

With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets..

Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract..

Signed ____________________________________ (female)..

Comment #7

Whoa whoa whoa... I'm sorry for butting in here in the men's room... but husbands actually do this stuff??.

I once asked my husband to hang a towel rod for me and he told me that along with the right to vote, women also have the right to kill their own bugs and hang their own towel rods. I did in fact end up doing it myself and have become quite self sufficient over the past 11ish years. If I ever REALLY don't want to do something, I do get a power tool that could not possibly be appropriate for the job, and act like I'm going to screw it up myself. That usually gets him motivated to help..

Comment #8

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