That's a good question. I'm not sure what is the right answer to your question. I'll do some investigation and get back to you if I find an decent answer. You should email the people at Nutrisystem as they probably could give you help..
Two bear hunters from New Jersey are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His buddy whips out his cell phone and dials 9-1-1. He gasps out to the operator, "My friend just collapsed. I think he's dead. What can I do?".
The operator, in a slow, soothing voice, says, "First, just try to relax and calm down so I can help you. Second, let's make sure he really is dead.".
A moment later the operator hears a shot, then the guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"..
I'm four pounds away from killing the 100lb bear! I still haven't found the body of the 70lber though. Looking in the mail everyday!.
Congrats on the 30, Rob!..
Gellar's gonna kill that big muthafukka!.
Keep tracking that 70 pounder too - it'd be a shame to let it rot..
Has anyone here seen "The Edge" with Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin???.
What an awesome movie..
If you ain't seen it you should..
I won't give away the plot....
But anyway - one of the lines from "The Edge" that sticks in my head for Nutrisystem is:.
"What one man can do - another can do!"..
The bike didn't kill him.....he killed over and croaked after eating that meatloaf sauce...
Great movie! Adventure, suspense, and awesome cinematography of the Alaskan wilderness..
I'm working on the 90 lb bear...one lb to go. Thought I'd nail it with this mornings weigh in, but will have to wait till next week..
I hope to be only a few weeks from killing a 50 lb bear myself. For me, the hunt is bittersweet as after I killed the 10 lb bear and collected the carcass, I was not able to find the bodies of the 20 lb bear, the 30 lb bear, or the 40 lb bear. They weren't anywhere to be found..
So although I've killed 4 of the little suckers, I only have one 10 lb bear to display over the mantle as proof..
Going to take down that 50 lber anyway.
PS. I actually did hunt/collect a bear in northern Ontario some years ago in one of their spring hunts. When it comes to hunting, the deer/elk/muledeer types of animals are much more sporting than the bear huntsproof being that I never went back and that 1 time was enough..
My contri: This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer..
The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer..
The bear says, "What do I owe you?".
The bartender stops and thinks for a moment..
"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn't been in many bars.".
So the bartender says, "That'll be twenty dollars.".
The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer..
After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation..
"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar.".
The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at twenty bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."..
And an all time favorite:.
This bear and this rabbit were talking..
The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?".
The rabbit said, "No, never.".
So the bear picked up the rabbit and used it to wipe his butt......
I was thinking: So the bear picked up the rabbit and ate him!..
I missed gettin my first few bears, mainly because I didn't really use the website the first 2 months very much. But it's no biggie, they're fun but not that necessary for me..
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup,.
And the doctor asked him how he was feeling..
"I've never been better!" he boasted..
"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant,.
And having my child! What do you think about that?".
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,.
"Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter..
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry,.
And he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.".
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods,.
And suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!.
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear,.
And squeezed the handle.".
"And do you know what happened?"the doctor queried..
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No.".
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!".
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man..
"Someone else must have shot that bear.".
"That's kind of what I'm getting at...".
Replied the doctor...
Recently, while hiking the rugged Ozark hills of Missouri, alone, I was startled by a deer. Thought for sure she was going to charge me (like a bear), so I scurried back to camp. I hope that's as close as I ever come to a bear...
I did the same thing in Arkansas about ten years ago..
There were bear warnings everywhere and we were on a remote (duh) trail..
I walked right up on 2 deer sleeping and they bolted..
I nearly ran over my wife running from that bear....
And she was laughing, "It was just deer! It was just deer!...".
She never lets me live that one down...
It's not that deer.
Scary, but the things they.
Can be scary. The piercing glare, the bolting as if they had just seen a ghost. For being such beautiful creatures, they sure do know how to scare the piss outta people!.
Oh, and trust me, no one, not even your spouse, will have sympathy for you if you are frightened by Bambi, until they are in your shoes..
My husband was disappointed by my pussness, too...
Serious derail, but another thing that will scare the bejeezus out of you while walking in the woodsa Partridge "flushing" from nearly under your feet..
I don't care who you are, when that stupid bird goes up in a rush you have an instant of "ohmygodwhatinthenameofheavenismakingthatmuchnoise atmyfeet??!!".
Of course when you are hunting for partridgethey seldom take off unless you have a dog pushing them..
I once sat in a raised deer blind (hunting of course) and a huge skunk decided to wander over and goof around under my treeboy, was I still and quiet for a few minutes!!!!!!.
It's not only bears or snakes or mountain lion types of animals that can be scary! Lol..
Sorry for the derail.
Not to derail even further back to the original topic (I don't know any bear jokes but I am impressed with the variety and creativity so far), I'm in a serious hunt for the 50-lb bear. I have the 10-, 20-, 30-, and 40-pound examples, and have been thinking the 50-pound one should appear magically on my next auto-delivery order, but so far no dice. I'm thinking I may need to call Customer Support and say, in the words of a buddy of mine who expressed this sentiment well,.
I want mah d*mn bear!..
How do you keep the bears away?.
Put up goal posts..
I'm stalking the elusive 40 lb green bear..
I've had it in my sights and can smell it's bacon grease and egg nog scent wafting across my scale this week..
I plan to lure it in with a plate of Nutrisystem lasagna and then slowly drown it the next couple of weeks in yogurt and water - 8 oz at a time..
Damn, I hate bears...
Just got my 10 lb. bear this past Friday. The 20 pounder is already in my sights.....
Kill that Muthafukka and all it's chillin'!..
Yep, I up and done slayed me the 40 pound green..
This bar, he was a wicked one..
Kept draggin thoughts of fast food up to the house..
But I kept throwin em in the trash and peelin off those microwave dinners..
I found that I couldn't keep up with tracking him on my charts no more..
Things got bizzy at work and I just drunk my water and stayed the course..
That green bar - he was partial to things that resembled meat..
He was sneakin up to lick my bowl and I smothered him in my butt crack..
Not a pretty way to go..
The 50 pound purple - I ain't afraid of him neither..
I still ain't pulled my weiner out of the pantry and I figure that thing can kill any fat critters...
Nicely done one and all. Im trying to figure out how to display my little critters. Thinking of having the heads mounted to my wall.... hmmmm..
One 50-lb bear slaughtered. It took a phone call to get the authentic example, since Nutrisystem had sent me another 40-lb bear by accident. It's OK, everyone makes mistakes..
Funny colored beast too. Magenta? I'm not sure. In any case, it's 60-lb relative will take a little while more I think, but that one's lurking in the tall grass, and knows it's time is short..
On another note, I unfortunately didn't get the goal post comment until I saw Ditka's picture...