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Eating to fill a lonely void..?

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Just sharing...

I'm right at the halfway mark in my journey and it's crazy how much I've realized that:.

A) I ate to try to medicate myself (before MF).

&.

B) It really sucks to have to just "feel the pain" now..

It doesn't matter what my weight is, I just do not fit in anywhere! It is so frustrating... I live in the south... everyone around me is all about BEER AND FOOTBALL... I'm just so not into that. I felt like an outcast in high school and Facebook makes me feel like I'm in high school again. I don't fit in and I wish I could meet like-minded people.

I'm so glad I found Medifast or I'd be eating myself into the grave. But now I just need somewhere new to focus that energy. I'm in grad school, but I just have this sinking feeling that I will never really "fit in" no matter where I end up and I hate that!!! I feel like I need to do something about it but I don't know what to do! I can't just make people that have my interests appear out of nowhere... I just want to live in a town where nobody knows my name! Anyone else have this kind of problem?? Or in a situation where you're not using food to self-medicate but you don't really know what to do instead? Things like exercise and stuff to me are a temporary solution... good for the mind but not the actuality of the situation.

Whew. this was long. sorry. my heart is just sad.....

Comments (10)

Sarah-Anne, I'm so sorry you're feeling like you dont fit in. I agree that I use to feel like I didnt fit in. high school was very difficult for me and started the downward spiral of low self esteem. It has taken me a very long time to pull myself out of that and to be proud of who I am. I also live in the south and yes this time of year is all about football and drinking, of which I dont like either one. I have had to spend some time soul searching since now I dont use food to soothe those feelings anymore.

Try focusing on those things that you enjoy. It doesnt have to fit into a certain mold but can be what it is YOU like. What are your interests? music, reading, art, dancing, animals, hiking etc....there are always groups out there that will fit your interests and a great way to meet and connect with new people. Be kind to yourself, you're going through some great changes and those changes not only effect the outside but the inside as well. Hugs my friend..

Lisa..

Comment #1

I would think it would be so much easier in the internet age to find people of like minds. Have you tried searching on line groups to join forums that suit your interests? I do CG art as a hobby (you know the computer graphics you see in movies like Avatar) and after years of searching I now belong to several communities of like minded people. The internet, being less personal might be a great way to start building your self esteem and reaching out without any commitment...

Comment #2

I can completely relate. I've never fit in anywhere (except for music school in college) in my life. I'm a Christian in an atheist family, a classical musician in a culture that doesn't like classical music, single in a world of married people... I totally get what you mean about finally 'feeling' pain and not stuffing it down with food. It sucks!! But it's worth it. I journal like a 13 year old girl sometimes, especially since my friends are all married and don't have as much time for me anymore.....

Comment #3

Sarah-Anne, where do you live in the South? I'm in the South too, and while I know EXACTLY what you are saying about the "beer and football" mentality, I also have found so many kind, caring, like-minded friends who could care less about sports.

I completely empathize with you on medicating with food. Before Medifast food was my answer for everything. If I was sad - I deserved food. Angry? I need food. Happy? Yeah, that was cause for food too. Food was my life - I love to cook and I love to eat.

But back to you. I completely agree with MT_Cup on searching the internet for groups of like minded people. 12 years ago I met a group of women on a wedding planning site, and we have ended up such close friends that now we even meet to go on vacation together every two years! We are from all across America and Canada, and although we rarely see each other these are some of my very best friends...

Comment #4

I'm so sorry you are feeling so lonely. I think lonely is about the very hardest place to be in life. But you are so on the right track here, these tough stretches are the sorts of things we have to go through if we are going to truly be able to give up food as a numbing agent. In my early years, I was an expert at "bucking up" and "not feeling sorry for myself" and I used to roll my eyes at people who couldnt get over their childhoods...and on and on. But under that I had a ton of feelings I never allowed to come up and food was the way I kept them all ruthlessly boxed up. Once I finally gave up food as comfort I went through a long period of feeling emotional and overwrought.

During that period someone said to me that if I wanted true joy I had to be willing to feel sorrow, that there wasn't a way to dampen one emotion without dampening all emotions. I did eventually come back to feeling calmer inside and overall much happier.

One of the things that helped me the most was that I found a very small online community of smart, accepting people who allowed me to post a whole lot of stuff I wasn't ready to share with anyone in my real life. Two of those friends are actually how I came to find MF, actually..

There are so many solid, good people in life, don't give up seeking them out...

Comment #5

Girl, I understand where you're coming from.

I too am from the south, and if I were living here (on vacation now to visit my family) still, I know that I would feel that same way. Sometimes we're born with a spirit that wants to be elsewhere, and until we find that 'elsewhere' maybe we feel unsettled, like we don't belong..

I didn't start feeling like I had a place in the world until I traveled abroad. Anyway, I'm not a very outgoing person and while I'm friendly I have a difficult time making friends because of my 'all or nothing' personality. But, eventually, you find it. You find that place, and those people. It's not fun waiting on it, but one thing I learned is that WAITING for it to happen TO you isn't going to get you very far.

I waited for the world I was in to adjust to me for the longest time, and it just never did. You have to step out, keep a positive attitude (which is really hard sometimes, I know), and just know that no matter where you are you MAKE your own place. Your attitude about yourself and where you are is going to reflect, big time. Even if you're not 100% certain about how you feel, put on a smile and tell yourself that nothing is permanent. Things change, and we can make our own change.

I tell you what, the biggest change I ever made was moving to another country. People here (in AR) don't really understand why I made the decision they did. And you know what, I STILL don't fit in here!!!! People still think I'm a weirdo around these parts! But, you know what. LET THEM, because I'm happy.

Find the things that make you happy and really stick to them. Risk everything for them. The adventure/stress in and of itself will keep your life interesting and you'll be too engrossed in bettering yourself to even care that other people aren't gelling with you.

You've only got one life. It's worth the time, effort, and strain to find that place where you fit in, the place where you're really happy, even if it's a thousand miles away and no one else understands.

Just keep a positive attitude, girlie. Every day is a new day, and one of these new days your world is going to suddenly change for the better. It happens that way...

Comment #6

I am trying hard not to give up you guys. I think I just get really discouraged sometimes...

Thanks for your support...

Comment #7

Can you make plans to move?.

What do you like to do?..

Comment #8

Wow, I could have written your post. I don't fit in anywhere either and lately it's become really, really bothersome to me. I actually did recently move to another state (for school) and it has not been the experience I had hoped...not that things were so great in my hometown. I hate to say this but I feel that the reason I've struggled with making friends and fitting in the last several years is because of my weight. I used to be smaller and now I'm bigger and I'm disappointed to discover that you actually become more invisible as you become larger...

Comment #9


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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