I'm stumped. I'm not so sure what is the answer. I'll do some Googling and get back to you if I got an good answer. You should email the people at Nutrisystem as they probably know..
Well played, sir. No doubt I have my faults..
But I stand by my statement that it seemed like we were happier when I was fat & drunk..
Hmm maybe she was always a debbie downer you were just to drunk and grateful to notice. kidding. Good luck finding happiness Bungle...
This is actually a case where see is feeling self conscious about your weight loss. She feels like you are going to leave her because you are now a stud muffin. You really need to pamper her and let her know that she is the only woman for you. This is the tough part for men, You Need to TALK to her!.
This is a natural response from woman. Before, you were safe (fat), now you are not (thin). Remind her that you are doing this for your health, because you want to have a long and happy life with HER. You didn't want to become a burden for her and worse leave her do to a heart attack. The #1 priority for a woman is security! You need to re assure her that she is more secure with a thin you than a fat you!.
I have taught several marriage classes and I won't charge you for this session!..
My wife is not thin (she used to be before kids), but I've run into similar (but not to the same extent as you are describing). My wife was harping on me for the last couple of years about my weight and about how she didn't want to be a widow, etc etc etc. Now I've lost 40+ pounds (and I'm NO WHERE near being thin as I'm still over 300 pounds) but she's started telling me how we don't go out to eat any more and how the kids miss that I'm not eating the same thing as them for dinner. Then last week I got my 30lb and 40lb bears and she seemed to get upset about it..
For me, my wife has admitted she's jealous of my weight loss and I know she's feeling very self conscious about it. I've even offered to get her going on NS, but she wants to do Weight Watchers (but then she won't go to meetings or follow through on it). I went out of my way for Mother's Day and for our Anniversary dinner last night just so it was more her time, and less about me and my new lifestyle (I've made it clear to the family I'm not on a diet, this is daddy's new way of eating). Unfortunately for me, is I gave in to eating out last night and ate too much..
Probably didn't help any, but hang in there. As Drive said, take her out, pamper her, and let her know that you are doing this for your health and for her (not for other women / cougars) that are prowling around.....
My advice walk up take her in your arms and plant a long big kiss on her. Tell her she makes you hotter now then she ever has and you are so happy to be with her..
I try to do that with my wife at least once a week at some point...
Everyone here so far has raised valid points, particularly Robert (Drive). It's very nice to have the support and encouragement of your partner while you embark on a challenge as difficult as significant weight loss, but how do you handle it when it turns out to be the opposite when your actions turn out to be actually working (or successful, if you've made goal)? As Robert pointed out, this transformation in a woman's mate undoubtedly raises a self-consciousness alarm. Either she'll think she has to worry about competition for her mate, or she frets about her own image in comparison, or (usually) both. There's no easy answer for this, naturally. Regular, spontaneous and heartfelt reassurances from you are the only means to combat this getting progressively worse. She's the light of your life: let her know it.
You get the point..
Then again, you could just be a dick, and we don't really know it. Just sayin'....
2/19: 241.8 (start).
88/26/29 (Days NS/p90/smoke-free)..
I got nothin sean - listen to the marriage counselor above. best of luck, dude..
Tell ya what, put up some pics of her and we'll tell ya if she's worth it...kiddin..
Wow, I didn't know guys could be so thoughtful (tee hee - just had to throw that out there). I think all of the advice is good. Change is one of the hardest things for all of us... and even if she suggested a healthier you, you're probably changing in ways she never anticipated. Some people will be threatened by our weight loss - and they are either worth our time to let them adjust to our change... or not.
Maybe it's taking a bike ride, going for a walk, picking up golfing - it would be cool for you both to find a NEW activity you could start together. One that doesn't necessarily BELONG to either one of you. I don't know if this helps - hope other women reply too. Congratulations to you all!..
Have you talked to.
About this? I don't mean an argument or heated discussion, but a true come to Jesus, heartfelt conversation about how you are feeling and how you are interpreting the situation (minus the anger/frustration)? As she is probably feeling vulnerable, you should show that side as well by effectively communicating your fears and insecurities with her around this issue and encourage her to do the same..
Also, bring her into your new lifestyle too. There are many ways to make meals Nutrisystem friendly, small changes to recipes (many on this board) that don't alter taste can go a long way. I agree with losing4myself, find mutually enjoyable activities that you could do together that incorporate exercise (dance lessons come to mind, too)..
Remember what you loved about each other in the beginning and find it again. Hopefully this is but a blip that will be surmounted..
Good luck to you...
First and foremost, women are crazy. It's true. Maybe some are less crazy than others...but it's still there..
Many women think they are fat...when they aren't. Clearly your wife is feeling insecure about how SHE looks in relation to how YOU look. Maybe before she was the hot one, secure in her throne of hotness while you stood by making her look better like the ugly friend. Now she isn't so sure. I say, as the others did...talk to her. CALMLY...GENTLY about the situation and ask her why she's been acting in the ways you noticed...then suggest the marriage counselling...because if you aren't doing anything especially asshole-like or annoying, then it's something she has to come to grips with in HER head...if that makes sense....
I'm glad I'm not a man,...and that my husband is such as simple lazy beast lol..
Packed with truisms..
My wife is a small gal, always has been, but is forever convinced she's fat. It's not her fault: she's been sold that perception by every industry related to female consumerism since she was old enough to be consciously exposed to advertising. Still, I always chide her when she says she's fat, telling her that to say that is an insult to truly fat people everywhere. Beyond that, there's not much to done but positive reinforcement. Still, there's the whole crazy issue, and I'll go along with that one, or at least tacitly acknowledge that I've barely scraped the surface of understanding the species..
2/19: 241.8 (start).
89/27/30 (Days NS/p90/smoke-free)..
I agree with this guy..
Good luck OP! You look great!..
Yes women are crazy, and especially when those hormones get going. But to me it sounds like a communication issue. Being married that long, talking heart to heart can get lost in the shuffle. You two need to get back on the same page about your relationship, and do it without blame or anger on either side. She's obviously feeling a lack of connection to you or to your new lifestyle. Maybe she doesn't know where she fits anymore.
I know I sometimes wish my DH would skip the gym on Sunday to do something with me instead, because I do miss him with our crazy schedules. Maybe she's feeling like she's not the priority in your life anymore. Is she? Has her behavior pushed you away? I do suggest a marriage counselor if for no other reason than a neutral ref who can ask the hard questions. Of both of you...
Ok, now for a woman's perspective on the situation. I may not be speaking for all women and I openly admit that I am not the "stereotypical, normal" woman, but here goes..
From what I read, you were not a "chick magnet" pre Nutrisystem and you tended to drink a little much, right?! Well, you were.
For her. She did not feel insecure about her appeal to you and now she is having to look at herself and worry if you will be lost to her now that you are healthier and more attractive to other women. Can it be possible that you drank a little more and didn't see things that were always there? Has your "vision" become clearer now that you are not drinking as much? I do not understand why she is not being supportive of you. Does she not want you to look and feel better? Live longer? Be more active? You will need to talk to her and try to get her perspective and you can give her yours. If that doesn't work, hire a professional marriage counselor. Something is definitely wrong with your relationship right now and needs non-partisan guidance. Good luck...
My dude now acts a good bit insecure. It is a cross gender thing. I'm polite enough to keep my insecurities to myself..
People do not like change...
Thanks for all the thoughts, people..
There's been a lot more going on than I thought. All I can do is keep doing what I've been doing, and stay on top of myself. Everything else will work out the way it's going to work out. Bummer...
Keep doing what you are doing, it is the right thing... One lesson I learned in my 13 years of marriage. All women are pains in the asses, so either you accept that or you don't.... Get rid of the one you have and the next one could be even worse.......
Not ALL women, dude. I know I'm a lucky guy, but don't think it's all that unusual to be happily married. Been this way for 35 years now.... Just sayin'..
Hang in there, Bungle! Might be worth the effort to get counseling if you're really on the brink..
"Keep doing what you're doing"? Are you serious? What you are doing has you both on the edge of breaking up. So SOMETHING needs to change. Not your healthier life style. Communication skills - yes. Try "courting" your wife. Nice old fashioned term.
She is insecure means you need to reassure her. Sincerely. Not just flowery words like "you are the hottest thing ever" when she knows she is never going to win Miss USA, but "that really looks good on you" or "wear that top you look so good in" or "your hair looks great today". You know, it has to fit reality and the situation. Just a spontaneous kiss and I love you.
Hold her hand, concentrate on her? Or while she is talking are you scoping out the waitress or that hot chick that just came in to the room. And as for the women at work. There is nothing more sexy than a man that is so totally in love with his wife that other women don't have a chance. So stay sexy. Give in to temptation and you are just a cheater and lose all that allure.
It comes down to, are you committed to this marriage or not. Because you need to make it work. If none of the above advice fits your situation or seems to work, get professional help...
Here's the deal, relationships take work. Yes, even more than weight-loss. If you don't care what happens, then do nothing, if you want to salvage your marriage, then be prepared to work. Simple honest communication helps, marriage counseling can help too, it's brings about the same results of honest one on one communication but makes it easier for individuals who don't know how to do that, where to start or how to begin. My Opinion is if it's a relationship you want to continue, anything is worth fighting for and this little speed bump, once overcome, could make your relationship that much stronger. I have to ask myself, even though I might think what she is going through or how she it reacting might seem crazy to me, to HER it's real and she is hurt and thus it turns into feeling threatened.
Men can have issues too. So, if you want to work it out try to talk to her, calm her fears and be understanding. If you don't care if you get divorced than just continue to do nothing and odds are you will get your wish. Good Luck with what ever you decide you want relationship wise and Keep up your hard work on the new you. Dan..
So let me get this straight: You agree with me, right! Could you not just say that!..
Dittos Gordon, other than I have not been married 35 years, only 21. The problem with today's society is men are dating with their tool in mind and woman are dating with their emotions...
NO, cuz she's a WOMAN! DUH!.
You're right ...there could be alot more goining on than you think. I agree with the others talking to her and councelling could help..
But I have to say the same thing just happened to a friend of mine. She lost a ton of weight and got "really hot" and all her DH did was put her down and give her a hard time about her new lifestyle change. In the end though it turned out not to be about the weightloss at all. It seemed that once she lost her weight, she was more "in tune" with herself....she picked up on the "clues" that something was not quite right with the marriage. He was "always" the jealous insecure type so her origional thought was the weightloss. But once they split and the truth came out it turned out it was her "jeolous insecure DH" had another woman on the side and he was just trying to "cover up" his affair" & make my friend think that it was her fault that the marriage didn't work.
Not saying this is the case with you but definitely something is not right and counsellling would/could help...just sayn'..
Probably not. It's more likely you were you and she was herif you follow me..
Relationship routines are reassuring. She says "luv you" and you reply, with no pause, "luv you, too"..
Hesitate for 6 seconds next time and see what happens! Lol. Routine, right?.
So you're doing this Nutrisystem thing and being healthier and drinking less and working out a lot...what really changed?.
You changed a routine..
Your daily actions when you were more of a fatty might have been focused on the two of you..
Now the stuff you are doing appears (from the outside) to be all about youpersonally..
My guess would be that the main difference in what's going lately is that your actions are upsetting some comfortable apple carts..
Other people at work are not the issue. Human vampires attempting to draw the next sucker into their drama feeding are everywhere. Spending lunch fantasizing about the next chippy isn't going to make you a man..
The question is simple and it's the same one you've answered for a long time. Do you love your wife?.
Do you intend to make her life better and put her.
Really just "yes" or "no". Neither is right or wrong..
But if the answer is "yes" than man-up and sit down and talk with her candidly about why you feel these changes are so important to you. Invite your wife in and SHARE with her. Establish new routines and make her a partner in them..
Hey, I'm no psychologist but glancing around at the women at work isn't a sign that you've become Adonis or that they are suddenly super-models. It's a sign that you are not investing energy into the person who should be the most important person on the planet to you..
So either make and meet that commitment to your wife (like you promised) or walk-away and let your wife go..
Everything else is.
Short version: Your wife probably isn't the one changing here. But since YOU have changed thingsshe's the one wondering what the hell is going on. It's your job to fix that..
My 3 cents, man..
All good stuff, guys & gals..
I debated whether I should have made my original post or not. This forum is about weight loss, after all. I'm just struggling with the fact that after 18 years we're having this hard a time communicating, and it's messin with my head a bit. Booze has played a factor on both sides as well. Obviously, we're all set up to start some counseling. I think we're both a little afraid of the skeletons that will come out, ha ha..
Thanks for the well wishes, and I shall now remove my panties and put some big boy pants on...the hamster wheel awaits!..
This may be a weight loss forum, but this is also a life forum. Many of us got fat because life was running us over. Just saying to everyone else, don't hesitate to throw out your problems here. We probably will never meet so you don't have to be embarrashed, but you may get a nugget of knowledge that is priceless!..