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Got a quick question: Did the Nutrisystem diet work for you? Many thanks for any answer. My other question... How many men does it take to open a beer?.

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?.

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink..

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?.

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me...".

Why do men fart more than women?.

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure..

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?.

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in..

I married a Miss Right..

I just didn't know her first name was Always..

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake..

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy..

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested..

Then God created Man and rested..

Then God created Woman..

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested...

Comments (23)

I'm stumped. I'm not so sure what is the answer to that question. I'll do some investigation and get back to you if I bump into an anything. You should email the people at Nutrisystem as they probably can answer it..

Comment #1

I didn't wake up grouchy - I let her sleep..

That one's older than my Grampa's buckskin rubber...

Comment #2

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake..

This must vary by wedding cake type or something. My first wife's sex drive would have had to triple to be anywhere near 10%!.

Old Groaner Guy Joke: Guy has a chance to marry either a gorgeous brunette Miss California, this year's beautiful red haired winner of a Fortune Magazine millionaire contest, or the hottest blonde Hollywood starlet....who does he choose?.

Yup. The one with the big _ _ _ s....(sorry ladiesit's how the joke goes!).

And, I have the absolute worst, most insensitive, male chauvinist PIG joke ever toldbut there is NO WAY I'm posting it under my name!! lol.

~J~..

Comment #3

Gee, I hope you told him that is not funny, and esp to joke about that in a woman's presence..

Sorry to encroach on any man jokes here, but violence against women is really not humorous...

Comment #4

That's where you're wrong. Now beat it (and lighten up) ... It was a.

Joke!..

Comment #5

Reminds me of the other oldie:.

I told my wife to shut up and then I didn't see her for 3 days..

Now I can see her a little out of one eye...

Comment #6

No, I just groaned and rolled my eyes because that's what most people do to really bad jokes.....

Comment #7

OK ... Time to come clean:.

Do you know those "Workmans Compensation" posters that employers are required by Law to keep posted in an employee common area to inform you of your rights? Ours has a picture of a woman with her arm in a cast as she rests it on a table .... there are a few signatures on it (from the photo shoot)..

I added one that says.

"Maybe this'll teach you to listen".

Now I'm not saying I'd do it again (only because I wouldn't want to get fired over something so stupid and juvenile) but I still laugh whenever I see it. Sorry ... I amuse myself...

Comment #8

When no one is looking you should add under it.."NOW, get back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"..

Comment #9

That's funny! But no way I'm going to do that again ... I was sweatin' bullets the last time I did it thinking I was gonna get caught. I've never told anyone I did it 'cept you fine people (and my lovely wife of course). HA!..

Comment #10

Sean, oh I forgot this was the man/boy lair gotta watch that when I check the "new posts." BTW, you don't scare me...sorry...

Comment #11

I'm not trying to scare anyone ... I'm a f*cking sweetheart..

Now why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?..

Comment #12

Frankenstein would have said the same thing..

PS -.

Fire bad...

Comment #13

John Wayne Gacy was a sweetheart too...played a clown at little kids parties and all..

Then they found the 26 bodies buried in his crawlspace..

Just sayin'..

Comment #14

Why shouldn't you buy your wife a watch?.

There is a clock on the stove...

Comment #15

Why cant women ski?.

There is no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen...

Comment #16

After I post this I'll leave.

After my son said that we all rolled our eyes and then my 17 yr old daughter said, "wow, that was a good one, JERK *hit him in the stomach* Now go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich".

Hmmm, it was funny at the time, maybe you had to be there..

Comment #17

Why did the woman cross the street?.

I assume it was to borrow sugar from the neighbor or else she shouldnt have been outta the kitchen...

Comment #18

What do you do when the dishwasher quits working?.

I slap her on the a$$ and tell her to get back to work...

Comment #19

Why do women wear white wedding dresses?.

So the dishwasher matches the stove and refrigerator...

Comment #20

Actually there is humor in everything if you know where to look...

Comment #21

How come a woman has never been to the moon?.

It doesnt need cleaning yet...

Comment #22

Put you have to do it in your best Eric Cartman Voice..

Comment #23

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!".

Two sperm are swimming along...One asks the other "How far to the Ovaries?"...The other one says "Calm down dude...We haven't even passed her Tonsils yet!!"..

Comment #24

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This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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